


the milk train doesn't stop here anymore

by i_am_therefore_i_fight



Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: Death, Gen, Nell Angst, Profanity, Steve Angst, Steve Dies, Suicide, Supernatural Phenomena, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 21:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19709878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_therefore_i_fight/pseuds/i_am_therefore_i_fight
Summary: we all live in a house on fire, and steve is determined to end it.





	the milk train doesn't stop here anymore

“We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it.” ~Tennessee Williams

* * *

_I know what I saw._ That’s what everyone would always say to him, and every time, Steve had to control the urge to scoff. People often spoke as if reality were directly communicated into their brains, as if their senses were infallible, their interpretations immaculate. With all the mediums and portals light had to travel through just to reach the cells of the retina in the first place, a person may as well be a thousand miles away from anything they _thought_ they could see. An image would go through hundreds of tiny adjustments, regulations, and conversions before it ever even _reached_ the brain, and then it would be up to thousands of processes in the brain itself to interpret the meaning, to make sense of what was seen in the context of life at large. How could anyone ever really know _what_ they saw?

And, as Steve would tell anyone who would listen, that went twice for dreams. The many studies showing links between nightmares and external factors like illness, medication, noise pollution, and so on were reason enough not to trust anything you thought you could learn from a dream, even if the reality you experienced during the day was accurately reflected during the memory-absorption processes that took place during dreaming, which it obviously _wasn’t_.

That was why it was so patently absurd, so surreal, to find himself throwing a duffel bag full of fire starters and three cans of kerosene into the back of his car, cell phone pressed between his shoulder and ear as he argued with his father.

“Dad, listen to me. I get it now. The house, Mom, everything. I _believe_ you. But I gotta do this. It’s the only way to save Nellie.”

“I’m just asking you to _wait_ \- ”

“I can’t. She’s already on her way there.”

“You spoke to her?”

“No, but I know what I saw.” The familiarity of those words didn’t hit him until after he’d said them, and he stifled a laugh. It was all so… _absurd_.

“Steve.” His father’s voice was like stone, quiet and hard. “If you really believe me, if you really understand everything I’ve said to you, then you know what that house can do. How can you be sure this isn’t a trick?”

“It didn’t come from the house, Dad. I think - I think it came from Nell.”

“From Nell?”

“Not from Nell, exactly. From - it’s hard to explain.” Steve took a deep breath, pressing his fingers into his face, trying to slow down long enough to make his father understand. “I saw Nell going into the house, and getting killed by what lived there. And I think _that_ Nell - the one who died - was somehow able to reach back to me. And she asked me to save her.” His voice broke. “I have to do this. You didn’t see her like I saw her. It’s - she needed help. And I wasn’t there when she needed me. I promised her I’d do whatever it takes to protect her, and I…”

Hugh was silent for a moment. Then he growled, “I understand. Catch up to Nell. But don’t go in the house. Steve, you hear me? _Don’t go in that house!_ ”

Steve shut the trunk over his tools of arson. “I hear you.”

* * *

The phone started ringing just as her finger hovered over the call button, and she jumped. Gasping slightly, heart pounding with adrenaline, she accepted the call.

“Nell?”

“Dad?”

“Honey, are you okay? Where are you?”

Nell gulped, looking up at the towering black visage of Hill House printed against the night sky. “I’m - I’m at home. In bed.”

“You sure? Are you sure you’re not at the house right now?”

She gaped. “How did - how did you - ”

“Steve called me. He couldn’t explain exactly how but he knew you were on your way there. He said he was driving to meet you.”

Eyes wide, Nell scanned the night-dark drive, and spotted a familiar shape. “He’s here. I see his car.”

“Good - that’s good. But listen, baby, whatever you do, don’t go in the house, okay? Don’t either one of you go in the - ”

Later, Nell would say that it was like that moment was suspended in eternity. As if in slow motion, she watched every window in the house burst outward, followed by plumes of black and orange fire; then the sound hit her like a shockwave, thunder roaring out over the earth and rocking her car on its axles. Her eardrums screamed, ringing like alarm bells as she ducked below the dashboard, cell phone curled to her chest.

* * *

Shirley sank down onto the couch in the sitting room of the funeral home, face violently pale. “I just… don’t understand how this could have happened.”

Hugh sat across from her, his arm around Nell, who was sobbing into her hands. Luke sat by himself in an armchair, staring off into the distance while Theo hovered behind him, looking thunderstruck.

The room was quiet except for Nell’s weeping until Theo broke the silence again. “So you were _both_ there?”

Nell shook her head and pointed to herself, crying too hard to speak. Her father patted her shoulder comfortingly.

“Then how the hell did _you_ know what was going on?” Theo demanded. “Tell me why the hell you called me in the middle of the night to tell me that your son just died in a fire in the same house where your wife committed suicide. Tell me that.”

“Steve called _me_ ,” Hugh explained, still rubbing Nell’s shoulder. “He told me he was going there, said something about it being the only way. I had no idea he planned to burn the place down.”

Theo gritted her teeth, meeting his steady gaze. “I. Don’t. Believe. You.”

“What were _you_ doing there, Nell?” Shirley asked, the catch in her throat causing her words to come out hoarse.

Nell sniffled and stopped crying, and there was silence again.

“I need to know.” The lines of Shirley’s face were thin and tight, inches from shattering. “I need to know, because I talked to the coroner, and Steve didn’t die in the fire.”

Everyone looked at her, Nell with her mouth open in a soft ‘o’.

“He had injuries,” Shirley continued haltingly, seeming to have to force every word. “Broken bones. A cracked skull. The coroner said… it looked like he had fallen from somewhere. Like maybe the stairs where Mom fell. And then got dragged to where they found him in the foyer. They said it looked like he planned to be able to escape the fire, but that after his wounds, he would’ve barely been able to light the fuse before dying of his head trauma. So I need to know, Nell. What were you doing there?”

She stared into Nell’s frozen face. After a long moment, Nell took in a breath, and spoke.

“I know that none of you will believe me.” Her voice wavered, and tears began flowing down her face again. “And I know you think I did something to him because I’m crazy, but I’m not, and I didn’t. I went to the house because I just wanted it to be over. I wanted everything to end. But I was still sitting in the driveway when Steve set the fire. I didn’t even know he was there until Dad called me. And I think… I think it’s because he knew, somehow. He knew that I went there to end it.” Nell’s face crumpled. “And he… he took my place. Because he thought it was the only way to save me.”

Suddenly, almost violently, Shirley recalled the last conversation she’d had with Steve.

 _“I’ll just handle it, then, shall I? That’s why everybody dumps their shit on me, isn’t it, Steve? ‘Cause I’m the oldest, it’s my job. Oh wait, that’s_ you _.”_

_“Okay, Shirley. I’ll handle it.”_

Her stomach turned. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“I didn’t do anything to him,” Nell insisted.

“No. I did.” Shirley explained the exchange she’d had with Steve over the phone, only hours before he had apparently set fire to a house with him inside. After that, silence lay heavy over the room.

Theo sighed. “Shirl, I don’t think you can exactly blame yourself for this.” She studied Nell for a moment, then said, “And… I don’t think Nell had anything to do with it. Not with the fire, anyway. As for the situation… well, we’re all involved in that. I mean, we all know Steve grew into kind of a dickhead. And we know he didn’t believe that weird shit went down in that house. But I think we also know…” She looked at each of them in turn, cleared her throat, and said more quietly, “We know he would’ve done anything for any one of us. And it looks like… he did.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at https://i-am-therefore-i-fight.tumblr.com/post/186109037698/the-milk-train-doesnt-stop-here-anymore.


End file.
